Few people are messaging me, singles or taken, asking on how i keep my long distance relationship on fire.
Handling the relationship varies the type of personality you and your partners have. Getting to know each other. That’s the basic. Spending time together or being honest with each other will help you understand and build a stronger foundation in this type of relationship.
I have 5 steps here that actually work might help you survive a long distance relationship.
Communication is essential. Without this, you will feel disconnected with your special someone. You cannot have a better understanding to your online date or girlfriend and cannot create a strong bond despite being away from each other. Whether it is through call, text, chat emails, video call, anytime or anywhere.
Yo won’t be updated what is going on with his or her on the other side of the world.
For me and Shaun, since his is 4 hours ahead of me, he always first greeted me a morning messages then tell me about his morning or even his dreams. As soon as i wake up each morning, i always first check his messages and respond to it. At first, you will feel that this is tiring or boring but if you make it a habit then you will lacking without messaging each other about anything. I did not aiming for a respond right away because we respect each others time. We are both working so we message when we can and check as soon as we have time.
Also, you have to consider a good way to communicate. We only use viber since Shaun does not have any social media account. Thankful for viber that is equipped with the things we needed in communication.
2. Trust Each Other
Trust plays a vital part in a healthy relationship especially in a long distance relationship. Why? Because you are not together. Your partner cannot see how are you doing, what are you doing or who you are with. Most of the relationship in LDR falls apart because of it. Most people don’t give trust right away in the early stage of their relationship. Trust needs to be earn. Trust are invested, that if this falls apart, then its DONE.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship before that i even begged someone to trust me but he failed to accept it. It was hard not to be trusted because i know myself i did not do anything wrong and i keep hoping and praying that person sees it. I did everything and it’s depressing. Still he did not trust me. But later i realized, i was not the problem. It was him. That was when i started not trusting anyone right away. Because i know myself. I am always honest. Before i trust someone, he or she should be honest to me as well.
For Shaun and I, we always tell each other about anything. No secrets. Whenever we went and who we are with. For example, i went to Iloilo, he knows that is faraway from Manila so i keep him updated so that he will feel that his with me during my travel. If I’m with friends, i always send him pictures or videos during the event. Introduce him to people i am with at that moment.
Without trust, we won’t be here. We won’t last long.
3.Respect and Accept One’s Personality
Shaun is introvert. That one word tells everything. I, on the other hand, an extrovert. May be the reason we stay strong and stay this long it’s because we are totally opposite. Because of our opposite personalities we keep learning or discovering things to each other.
Being serious is too boring. You have to be sweet, funny, naughty, diligent, and creative. If you can be all of that then trust me, that will help you to win someone’s heart easily.
Even Shaun wants a quiet environment, i tend to make things fun for him. He knows i hate boring environment and i know he hates noisy or loud sounds. So we tend to respect what we like or dislike and give each other’s time.
Timing is the key. Overdoing it is a big No.
4. Virtual Dates
Find a creative way to spend each other time despite the distance. Shaun initially thought of this idea. We accidentally ate the same food one Saturday and he thought of eating the same food each Saturdays. I find it very cute coming from a guy. Usually, girls though of cute things in a relationship.
We started that since 2017 and until now we are still doing it even together. It’s like a tradition for us that our week won’t be complete without it. During Saturdates we talk a lot of things like future activities, how we are for the week during work or talk about other people.
Most couples do online games together as their bonding time or watch the same movies. So, think of a creative ways to spend time with your LDR partner.
5. Sending Gifts, Letters or Visit
Giving provides greater satisfaction than receiving.
An online relationship won’t be complete without meeting each other. But don’t push it on someone. I know some people who are pushing their partners to meet them in person. First, we have to consider the financial capacity of our partner. We don’t love them for money in the first place. Unless thats your ulterior motive in online dating. There is a right time for that and probably your partner is already saving for it.
Since i can’t visit Shaun to his country, i thought of sending him a package. I am not sending him gifts just because i want something in return. He even told me that letters i made are enough and haven’t thought he will get lots. He really appreciated it because no one has ever done that for him. It makes me happy because that’s my purpose, to make him happy.
If you are reading this now, start making your move. Follow my steps and message me how it goes.
You guys can also reach me via instagram. I’ll be happy to help you and giving you advices through my experience.
Love stories are wonderful. They are priceless. For others, mine was not extraordinary but for me, my story was the best thing that had happened to me.
I want to share my story to inspire others on how i found love online. I want them not to cease believing that love can be found in a hopeless state.
My name is Angel, my boyfriend is Shaun and this is our story!
I’ve been in a long distance relationship journey since 2014 and all ended in pain. Funny thing was, I never meet any of them in real life. I know you will ask why foreign men and believe me I know what some of you are thinking. I never have any Filipino boyfriend. That’s a fact. I also had Filipino crushes but none of them like me and those who like me never caught my interest. I guess, we all have that kind of preferences when it comes to finding your perfect match. I always fancy white guys with blue, gray or green eyes. I am a huge fan of foreign movies and fairytale stories. May be that’s the reason why I like foreign men. Tall, white guy, beautiful eyes. I am not a racist but it’s my ideal guy.
Shaun, on the other hand, was not also very lucky when it comes to relationship as well. He said he does not like some New Zealand girls by their attitude. Though, he had a Kiwi ex girlfriend before me and never had any Filipina. It only lasted for weeks. Now, he decided to go for a vacation and found his someone special. Took him awhile to decide. I was his first ever long distance girlfriend and i am happy to know that.
As i shared on my previous blogs, before Shaun, i had this long distance chatmate which i fell in live with. I’m still moving on that time when i decided to try once more.
As i cried once again that night, i prayed and made a wish. I said, “Lord, just make me happy this valentines day and help me find a date. I promise that if this one doesn’t work out, i will not date anyone anymore. But if this works out, i promise he will be the last date i will ever have.”
How we met
I met Shaun from FilipinoCupid site. It was before February 10, 2017 when i decided to sign up again and find a date. As i prayed to date one in Valentines day and make myself happy.
I never thought he will respond to my messages. Yes! I initiated the meeting. Since, I read in his profile that he was here in the Philippines for vacation and to find his someone special.
But surprisingly, he agreed. He’s already in Philippines for a week before we met.
To be honest, this wasn’t the first i met someone online and have dinner with or talk in person. Though, i must admit, after meeting, the guy rarely talk to me after that. It really puts my confidence to a lower level.
I was nervous. I can’t explain what to feel at the moment since i woke up that morning. I was busy thinking how to act infront of him. What to wear. What will happen after that day.
I’m on my way while he messages me that his already there waiting at Greenbelt. I answered him that I’m almost there then he messaged me the exact location.
Although, I already knew what he looks like but I’m super nervous that he will saw me first and will decide not to meet me after all.
I was in a little bridge in Greenbelt Makati when he messaged me where I was. I told him that I’m near then he said he’s looking at me. I panicked and my heart beats so fast when I saw this handsome guy waiting for me at the end of the bridge. He has standing there with this big smile on his face and literally my heart skips a bit and I could not find the exact words to say.
We ended up eating at Chateau Restaurant. To ease my nervousness I initiated the conversation and I noticed that he talks a lot like me, so I feel comfortable then we talked a lot of things. In one night, we talked like we know each other for a long time.
Like he said, you can even fall in love on a first date. And I did!
Our first ever photos together:
After that night, I never thought he will continue chatting me and spend the rest of his vacation with me.
I never thought it’s a sign that he chose me. He never formally asked me to be his girlfriend. But we are happy.
And that happiness will stay for as long as we feel the same way.
There were sings that we are meant to be:
Wish – Broken and crying in the dark, I whisper that whoever asked me on a date will be my last date. If it won’t work then I will stop dating anymore.
Age – I filtered my search preferences on filipinocupid to age 27-33 only. That time, I think 35 above is already old for my age 26. Shaun put age 31 on his profile (check the photo). Only to find out he is turning 36 that time.If he put his real age,then, I would never ever meet Shaun.
Options – Shaun told me, there are lots of girls messaging him. He said he get a hundreds every day. I asked him why me. Just wondering. He said I am cute, lol. And I think he chose great! 😀
Ex date – when Shaun arrived here in Philippines, he dated a girl. I appreciate the honesty there. But he dumped her because she showed some attitude according to Shaun. I never asked anymore and that is not important anyway. Her loss, my gain. If she is the right one, then I wouldn’t met Shaun.
Shaun on the other side hand, told me that if not for his mothers first stroke we won’t ever met.
He said, years back, he was jobless, no savings and his mother’s stroke triggered him to find a job and save. He managed to go on a vacation aftert that where he met me.
Now, both of our dating accounts were deactivated. We are still in a long distance right now and only waiting for the result of our visa application.
We don’t love each other since first meeting. We build friendship because we like each other, respect each other, and that’s how we found love.
LDR or not it is the same feeling – we love. Love comes in any shapes and sizes. It only varies how deep you love that person and for what reason. But experiencing good love gone bad is so painful. The pain which prevents us from moving forward. We all know that moving on isn’t easy. While time is the best healer, let me tell you how i moved on.
After my last LDR break up, I had several sleepless night with non stop cries. Imagine yourself dying inside but need to keep on living. Pretending that everything was fine. I thought, no one will noticed but it reflected in my productivity. I told my supervisor what I’ve been going through. I’m not the type of person to randomly open a sensitive issue involving myself. I thought they will only laugh at it.
But an open ears, open mind and shoulders to cry on helped me clear my thoughts. Because i was so negative. I have no will to live. I even thought about suicide many times. Luckily, I have a phobia of cuts – an open wound. I also distanced myself with everyone. I only wanted to cry and sleep every night. Only God and few friends knew what i did just to forget the pain.
One day, i just woke up, faced the mirror and hated the way i look. I felt so ugly. I realized this is not what i want for myself. I felt angry. I wanted revenge if possible. I slowly fixed what was broken. I wanted to be strong and showed them what they’ve lost.
Figuring out how to move on from a relationship is one of the most difficult transitions in a person’s life. But it somehow come out naturally.
These are the steps that helped me move on.
1. Cut the connection
I realized that i cannot move on if i still have his contact information. Because whenever i missed him, i easily sent him any messages. The more i message him, the more i wanted him to respond. If he responded, i was hoping we can fix what we had. It was hard. There were times that i deleted all his information, but find ways to have it back from my record. But in the end, i managed to do it. Congratulations if you did! You feel relieved. I’m telling you.
2. Practice forgiveness
At first, i had many “why’s”. Why he replaced me? Why her? Why not me? I never felt so insecure in my entire life. After i learning it the hard way and accepting the fact why it happened, i finally understood that you can’t easily manipulate someone’s heart. To where it beats. You can avoid or control but once you’re drown with those feelings, it is hard to get out. He met her with a circle of friends in a bar. They bonded. Enjoy each other’s company then fell in love. For someone like me that is far from him, i only saw him or talked to him via phone. We can’t touch each other. I felt that i can’t compete with her. When i decided to let go, i wished them their happiness and hoped that the choice he made was right. I forgive him. But I cannot forget what he did.
3. Love yourself
How can i fight a war if i look miserable? If i continue to be hurt then it will reflect on my appearance and everyone will feel sorry for me. We don’t want that, do we? I changed myself. Not only physically, but aslo emotionally.
4. Focus on other things
Keep yourself busy. Do what you like/love. I know that when we are heart broken, we only focus on being hurt. We tend to forget the things that once makes us feel alive.
Travel – wether if with friends or alone. Exploring new places refreshes our soul.
Focus on your job – we always hear that we should set aside personal matters when we are at work but sometimes it’s not that easy. But if there are available projects, grab the opportunity to make yourself busy. Remind yourself why you need to work.
Spend time with family – no one can understand you better than your family. Not everyone has that family we can rely on but if you do, it will help a lot.
Hang out with friends – go out with friends. Do some food trips, slumber party, go to salon, clubbing, drinking or etc. Good friends are good for the heart. Who will always there to listen to your nonsense and do crazy things together. They make you feel you are not alone. But avoid those bad influences, of course.
Sports / Workouts – some people who are heartbroken focuses themselves on sports or workouts because it makes us happy. Scientifically explained that exercise makes us happy because of endorphin’s releases from our body. These triggers a positive feeling. Today’s generation is the most out of shape. You may hate to admit it but sometimes is the reason why you look for someone else. Being fit makes you feel good, confident and beautiful.
5. Find new love
The most effective way for me is to date someone else. You may think it’s a rebound. Yes and no. We easily fall in love when we are at our vulnerable state. When i finally understood that it’s really over with my ex, i told myself, i can find someone better. I felt that i am not at fault to let myself be wasted. I made myself look good again and signed up to dating sites. That’s where i met Shaun. I was in my moving on stage when i dated him so yes, i don’t love him at first but i like him because he is very nice. As we knew each other better, spend time together, i fell for him because he is such a great person. He saved me. He made me believe in myself that there is hope for me. He’s my new beginning and hoping until the end.
Having our hearts broken makes us feel stronger and wiser the next time we met someone new. Don’t be afraid to love again because you already knew how it feels to be broken. You were there and manage to move on. That’s how strong you are. Don’t let your past be a hindrance to your bright future.
STOP CHATTING if you notice some signals. Not only you save your time and effort, but also to save yourself from getting hurt.
I have been in online dating for almost 6 years now and I experienced a lot before I found my boyfriend. So I want to personally share these tips for aspiring singles who dare to seek love online.
These LDR tips I am going to share are based from my personal experiences.
1. Beware of FAKE PROFILES. Admit it. Good pictures usually caught our attention first before we check through the details. Even the if the pictures are not good enough but a good background attracts us. They use fake identities which I completely understand why – for good and bad purposes.
We know that being pretty or handsome still top of our list so people will try everything to make themselves look better. And I am not exempted to this because I love filter apps but not to the extent it will totally change my appearance.
I really hate poser account. A guy from UK chatted me in facebook before. He is handsome alright. I never demanded a video call because my phone was not advance. So I am contented with sharing photos and chatting with him. In our 3 mos of dating, he confessed. He said it was not him. So I felt very nervous that time. But when he sent me his real pictures with sign in it. I like him even more. Because the real him is more handsome. He is not confident enough. I can not understand how guys look themselves in the mirror. Anyway, it is still bad to use other people’s images.
This one is the weirdest among fake profiles. Chatting to a guy without knowing it’s a girl and vice versa. Really creepy. For example scenario, try watching Tulfo in Action on YouTube.
2. NO VIDEO CALL. Thanks for cheap phones that we all can afford to communicate easily. So I can see no reason to be fooled by these catfishes. Still, there are some who are victimized. Because fake people tend to be good at chatting and great for making alibis not to video call. Super signal.
The type we all are familiar with. Whether it is a guy or a girl. It is the same. Asking for money to random people who you do not know or to someone you chatted as your victim is a signal. Please ununderstand that these people work hard for their money too. Search for it and you will read lots of scam stories. The most common alibi they use is a sick family member.
Okay let’s not be hypocrites here. Some of us are willing to share our sexy photos to our online dates including me but if they tend to ask beyond of what you can share like asking for nudes then block that person right away. Some guys randomly asks for naked pictures after few talks. So annoying.
This one is the hardest to determine especially in chatting. I even chatted someone who calls me a psycho. What?! Just because I am arguing with him does not define me for being one. This signal pertains to rapists,killers,ill people so be careful. I can not personally say how but I read and watch news a lot. My only experience of talking to a psycho is that I chatted this guy before then it was like talking to different person. His mood swing is very extreme. We argued a lot in chat so I stop.
That’s all. Share some opinion in the comments below!