The One That Got Away

“Some people are going to leave, but that’s not the end of your story. That’s the end of their part of your story.”

You can forgive someone who truly broke your heart but you can’t forget the pain that once tore you apart.

Let me share you a good example of a good or bad KARMA about my worst long distance break up.

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Before Shaun, I’ve had a few serious online dates. I dated someone online from Kentucky last December 2014. Let’s call him Mr. R. He supported me unconditionally. We promised to meet but it never happened due to financial issue. His parents were both dead and have to take care of his 3 adopted siblings. We loved each other and chatted for a year until i became impatient then we keep arguing about meeting each other. I knew the situation and i lose hope that we will meet one day. The feeling that i had for him is slowly disappearing.

I secretly signed up to Filipinocupid and chatted some guys while waiting for a good chance to break up with Mr. R.

(I knew my fault. It was really unfair for Mr. R and this is literraly cheating. I knew it very well why i totally accepted what i experienced after. I have my reasons why it happened. )

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After days of secretly chatting online, i found Mr. D. He is from Ohio last January 2016. He was turning 27 and i was 25 that time. He got an injury and no work at that time but got his own savings and own house. He was on that site to find someone to marry. A good looking guy, friendly to talk with, family oriented and determined to accomplished any goals in life. Who wouldn’t fall for that?

We talked and video called everyday about anything then fell in love with each other. Then I finally took the courage to break up with Mr. R. He was hurt, mad and i understand him. It’s only normal to feel that way. He begged me to stay our online relationship but i don’t want to stay because i felt pity. Mr. R is a good guy and i only wished he found the happiness he deserves.
I blocked him and focus on Mr. D.

As for Mr. D. Our relationships were good at first but months later we had these misunderstanding that lead to huge arguments then broke up. On and off. It’s been going on throughout the year of dating.

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I loved him and i knew he loved me. May be, we were not matured enough to deal with small misunderstandings. We know how hard to deal with arguments if you’re in a long distance relationship.

Then one day, i though it was a happy day for me and Mr. D, he suddenly dropped the bomb. That really changed me and i almost lost myself. You can call me pathetic or whatever but it really happened to me. I checked my phone to see if he messaged. He sent me a photo of him and this girl sitted on his lap. They were happy. He never said anything but the photo said it all.

All along, while we were happily chatting or video calling, he was dating someone else in Ohio. A thirty six years old Filipina with two sons and separated. She was a nurse there. Mr. D told me this after confessing.

He said, he was with his friends drinking then one of his friend has a Filipina girlfriend who brings other Filipina girls. Where he met this girl.

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Karma? Yes. I deserved it for what i did to Mr. R. I knew then how it feels to be hurt like hell. I thought of suicide. I lose interest of everything and even my work was affected. I begged him many times to continue what we had. I lose confidence i was once had. I keep asking God why. I keep asking Mr. D why. It’s unbearable.

All i did is loving him in any way i know. I even sent him a package that he threw after we broke up. He admitted it.

God knows how i was that time. I don’t blame Mr. D because i think i deserve it. It was hard and it took time before i finally accepted the fact it’s gone.

I already forgive him but i couldn’t forget the pain. It serves as a reminder to my future relationship.

When i finally let him go, i told him that, if he replace me with that girl, i wish they would end uo together. Hope that she love him just like i did. Right now, Mr. D is happily married to that girl. As for Mr. R, I don’t know anymore. But i wish him all the best and may he find the happiness he deserves.

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You can break down a woman temporarily, but a real woman will always pick up the pieces, rebuild herself, and come back stronger than ever.

I learned not to expect anything. I learned not to attach myself to someone. Just go with the flow as they say. But something i can’t change is who i am as a person. I can’t stop looking for love. I still give everything. Give all my effort without asking something in return. When you’re badly hurt, you won’t be afraid to try again because you know how it already feels. You won’t afraid of anything because you’ve been there.

It really change me somehow and i thank what had happened because of that i found my happiness. I learned to trust slowly. I matured. And find new love that i truly deserve – Shaun.

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